Sam Penizotto
Sports Editor

When I heard about this new Lulu app, I immediately thought of how messed up it is that girls rate guys online for all of their friends to see.

Then I got to thinking for a second. I came to realize that I have just been handed an infinite supply of ammunition.

You see, it is not uncommon for me to be told I am heartless by the opposite sex.

Now, any time I a girl tells me I am heartless because I don’t feel like crying at the end of “Marley and Me,” I can immediately counter with an extremely mature response of, “Well at least I don’t judge people online, you sicko!”

The key to that statement is the fact that I do not judge people on a public forum.

Sure, I’m more than willing to have the usual guy talk and compare notes on certain girls, but I wouldn’t do it for everyone to see. I’m not going to just intentionally embarrass people.

That’s the beauty of this whole thing. I absolutely love the fact that this app exists, because it shows that women think exactly like men do.

In fact, they may even be worse. Almost any guy will gladly admit that he and his buddies talk about their experiences with girls and judge these same girls on their attractiveness. It’s not a big deal, because everybody knows that girls do it too.

Well now there is evidence that they do it. Only, girls who use this app don’t just sit around and have girl talk, they feel the need to sadistically publicly humiliate the guys they are rating.

Now, I am not going to claim that guys wouldn’t use a similar app if we had one. I am just saying that, for now, we don’t have one.

Therefore, I have the right to hold it against every girl I know.

In all seriousness, I do think the whole idea of the app is kind of messed up. There are certain discussions that should be left behind closed doors.

I am sure all of the girls that use the app have been embarrassed in a romantic situation before, and it doesn’t seem right to knowingly do that to somebody else.

Honestly, the entire thing feels extremely childish. It’s like the college equivalent of bullying somebody on AIM.

If you really feel you have to fulfill your desire to call the ex-boyfriend that you are still madly in love with and wish you could have back a bad kisser, then at least have the courage to do it to his face.

I am looking forward to the day that somebody tells me that I was rated on Lulu, and hearing about how harsh my review was.

My immediate response–after of course being extremely flattered because the girl’s bash on me must be her way of proclaiming her undying love—will be laughter.

Some girl has the time not only to sit around and stew about me, but also to troll some childish app and make sure her fellow females know what to expect from me. Priceless.

Regardless of how negatively I could be rated, I can enjoy the peace of mind in knowing that I have better things to do than assign a number and a hashtag to one of my female peers. I win, you lose.

For any guy who received word of a negative review, take a minute to think about this.

You may have bad breath, but at least you’re not a huge loser reliving your middle school days, right?

Having said that, I am still happy that the app exists and I’m especially happy that girls are sick enough to use it.

As long as this app exists, I will never lose an argument against a girl. Thank you, Lulu.


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